Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
