so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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