So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
