Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
