I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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