I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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