He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Holy shit dude........stairs
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