i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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