Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize