My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
