My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize