just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
