his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
