Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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