He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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