Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
