So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
