I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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