It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
