If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
