Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize