I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
