I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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