A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
third nipple confirmed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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