i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
