Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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