why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize