i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
