I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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