That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
