There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
