I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize