That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
