so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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