I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In America we eat man semen.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I supernannyed him into submission
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
