Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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