I need help removing her.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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