You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
