Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
