im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
