Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
