umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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