I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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