im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
