um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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