idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
