Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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