God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
