I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
