I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
