I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We're too hungover to prance.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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