If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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