you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
