So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's shark week go big or go home
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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