I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
