There is no way he is gay with that hair.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
