I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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