somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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