So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
