its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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