You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
