dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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