i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
