oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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