barbara walters just said penis...
they need to just BURY HIM!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
