the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
