all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
