i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
